Monday, March 12, 2012

Uterus means ?

Why do men think that having a uterus makes you an expert on everything? Do mothers actually send this message to their children or are men just born thinking it?

Example...Uterus = Seamstress
Laying on the chaise lounge in the sun Hub drops a pair of shorts in front of me... ‘What can you do about the holes in these?’

Lifting my head slowly I suggest "Throw them out.”

Uterus = Darning Expert
Hub has a sock on his hand like puppet to make a point...
‘Hey! There's a hole in my sock...what can you do about it?’

“Hmmm. Here’s radical a new pair.”

Uterus = Lost and Found Dept.
From deep in his tool cave, located under the stairs, Hub peaks out and asks... ‘Have you seen the extension to my hammer drill?’

“Check my purse.”

Uterus =The Medical Professional
Sitting on the couch Hub appears and asks...'Can you check this out?'

"Now what?"

Standing in front of me Hub turns around, lifts his shirt and points to the middle of his back... ‘What’s this?’

How the hell did you even see that?

Uterus = Accounts Payable Dept.
Yelling down the stairs Hub asks... ‘Isn’t it time to pay some bills?’

“Why? Did the lights go out?”

Uterus = Computer Expert
Staring at one of the computer screens Hub bellows... ‘Linda, the computer’s talking to me again?’

Yelling down the stairs I suggest...“Ask it where your hammer drill extension is.”

Uterus = Laundry Dept.
Holding a dress shirt up in front of me Hub questions... ‘Do you think maybe you could iron this?’

Grabbing the shirt I walk it into the laundry room and throw it in the dryer.

Uterus = Gardener
Standing over the potted plants in the backyard Hub calls out... ‘Do you think this plant is supposed to look like this?’

"Like what?"

'It looks...I don't know...sad.'

Leaning over his shoulder and eyeing the plant in question... “You drowned it. Buy a new one."

Uterus=Fridge Monitor
With his head stuck in the fridge Hub moves things from side to side and top to bottom...'Linda. Where's the ketchup?' 

Then as all the cold air escapes into the kitchen he calls me over and opens the lid to a container...'Is this still good?'

Nearly falling over from the smell I cough and suggest... "Maybe last week!"

'But we just bought it a few days ago.' 

Closing the fridge and trying to keep the cold air inside..."Do you feel lucky? Go ahead. You try it."

Just the other day I was digging through Hubs ever growing collection of plastic containers, I call out from the garage...“Hey recycleman!"

Slowly walking into the garage, he arrives holding a coffee... 'You bellowed?'

"This wall here is just screaming for a shelf. Maybe you could build one, right about there.”

Muttering to himself Hub turns on his sandals and walks out into the sunshine...
'since when does penis mean carpenter?' 

Just a couple of thoughts from 2 Canadians living and loving it in Mazatlan!
Linda and Hub