Remember when we would talk about the latest concerts we had seen...what kind of job we wanted to do for the rest of lives...the cute guy down the street and later, all the hassles at work and never having enough time in the day?
Well, times change and with it a new and different vocabulary...more adult, now we're using words like colonoscopy!!!!
We are now part of a new club that is very exclusive and you can only join if you’re over 50...a place where NO juniors are allowed.
Monday
Looking like he's just seen an alien Hub announces...‘OMG!
I just called for an appointment for that colonoscopy today and no family doctor
was required...I’m booked for the surgery on Thursday! That's THIS Thursday Linda!!!’
Putting the paper down and showing all the concern I can muster in our 91F heat...“Look at it this way. There's no waiting lines, and you get to go directly to the guy in charge...the bum guy...with no middle man.”
Reaching over and checking his instruction sheets he reads...‘It
says the prep drink is to be taken with clear fluids.’
‘And the clear fluids are...Sprite, cola, coffee, water and tea!’
Trying to contain my excitement...“Choices! That's always good! So, when exactly is kick off, so to speak?”
‘Well, Wednesday I get a normal breakfast and then a special lunch diet by 2pm. This is gonna be a snap!’
‘Come
on! Get up Linda! We have to get down to the restaurant now!’
Rolling over in bed I see the clock... “It’s 6am!!!”
‘I can only eat this morning and then the fast starts! So let's gooooo!’
Almost
dragging me out of bed and jumping up and down like a terrier waiting to go for
a walk, we head to his favourite beach restaurant where he loads up on his
bacon, eggs and coffee.
Later
in the morning B, our American friend comes over to get Jorge the turtle at
noon. Both of these guys (B and Hub, not the turtle) start ceremonial straight vodka
shots before Hub has to start his special diet. Rushing through three cocktails
Hub informs us all... ‘Ok...2pm, nothing else till tomorrow night.’
“Get
out of the fridge!”
“You had your special lunch earlier." Pushing him out of the way I look at the instructions from the doctors office... "Now, let’s see...hmmm...for your fine dining pleasure....we have an aged bottle of Sprite, or a tall glass of chilled water, hot or cold black tea...ohhh and a personal favourite of the chefs...a hot, black coffee!”
10pm
His whining is getting louder...‘I’m
going to bed! There’s nothing to stay up for.’
“You
mean no food! I thought you said this was gonna, be a breeze?”
Turning over and hitting the alarm I question my spouse of many years...“Why????? has my
alarm been set?”
An hour later I join him in the kitchen and pour myself a tea... “So? How was your delicious breakfast this morning?” watching him as he runs to the lavatory.
10am
I drop the patient off at the clinic. Asking for all the details as any concerned spouse would do..."So when do I pick him up?" I check my watch and figure it's a good time to go shopping!
I
get a call from the clinic. Hub’s ready for pickup....naturally!!!! I'm right in the middle of a
checkout line.
I arrive to find Hub still
a little unbalanced after the anaesthetic. He's like a kid being picked up from the
schools nurses’ office, complete with his own info package to take home, filled with results on high gloss
paper stock, colour photos and a DVD for our viewing pleasure.
It’s
taken him less than 2 hours and it’s all done. I pay the bill...2900
pesos...less than 250.00 cdn!!!
Ok this is the way medical offices should be running!
I walk the dizzy patient to our car. Slightly staggering, he proceeds to give me his thoughts about the whole experience...
‘and I can’t eat for 2 hours!!!!’
Ok this is the way medical offices should be running!
I walk the dizzy patient to our car. Slightly staggering, he proceeds to give me his thoughts about the whole experience...
‘and I can’t eat for 2 hours!!!!’