Monday, June 4, 2012

Exclusive Club

Remember when we would talk about the latest concerts we had seen...what kind of job we wanted to do for the rest of lives...the cute guy down the street and later, all the hassles at work and never having enough time in the day?

Well, times change and with it a new and different vocabulary...more adult, now we're using words like colonoscopy!!!!

We are now part of a new club that is very exclusive and you can only join if you’re over 50...a place where NO juniors are allowed. 

Looking like he's just seen an alien Hub announces...‘OMG! I just called for an appointment for that colonoscopy today and no family doctor was required...I’m booked for the surgery on Thursday! That's THIS Thursday Linda!!!’

“That’s a good thing, right?” as I continue to read.

‘I don’t know now. Maybe this is kind of rushing it, don’t you think?’

Putting the paper down and showing all the concern I can muster in our 91F heat...“Look at it this way. There's no waiting lines,  and you get to go directly to the guy in charge...the bum guy...with no middle man.

Reaching over and checking his instruction sheets he reads...‘It says the prep drink is to be taken with clear fluids.’

“That’s normal.” 
Ok, now I'm bored.

‘And the clear fluids are...Sprite, cola, coffee, water and tea!’

Trying to contain my excitement...“Choices! That's always good! So, when exactly is kick off, so to speak?”

‘Well, Wednesday I get a normal breakfast and then a special lunch diet by 2pm. This is gonna be a snap!’

‘Come on! Get up Linda! We have to get down to the restaurant now!’ 

Rolling over in bed I see the clock... “It’s 6am!!!” Hub has just entered a dangerous arena. 

‘I can only eat this morning and then the fast starts! So let's gooooo!’

Almost dragging me out of bed and jumping up and down like a terrier waiting to go for a walk, we head to his favourite beach restaurant where he loads up on his bacon, eggs and coffee.

Feeling satisfied Hub leans back and announces...‘Yup, this is going to be a breeze.’

Later in the morning B, our American friend comes over to get Jorge the turtle at noon. Both of these guys (B and Hub, not the turtle) start ceremonial straight vodka shots before Hub has to start his special diet. Rushing through three cocktails Hub informs us all... ‘Ok...2pm, nothing else till tomorrow night.’

B leaves with Jorge the large water turtle with the emerald green eyes.

“Get out of the fridge!”

‘But I’m hungry!!’ Hub whines as he puts his head further into the refridgerator.

“You had your special lunch earlier." Pushing him out of the way I look at the instructions from the doctors office... "Now, let’s see...hmmm...for your fine dining pleasure....we have an aged bottle of Sprite, or a tall glass of chilled water, hot or cold black tea...ohhh and a personal favourite of the chefs...a hot, black coffee!”

‘Don’t be a smart ass Linda!’ as I watch him throw himself onto the couch.

His whining is getting louder...‘I’m going to bed! There’s nothing to stay up for.’

“You mean no food! I thought you said this was gonna, be a breeze?”

‘Not funny Linda!’ as he stomps up the stairs and slams the bedroom door.

Thursday – bum day
Turning over and hitting the alarm I question my spouse of many years...“Why????? has my alarm been set?”

‘It's flush time” as Hub stretches and gets out of bed.

“It’s 5AM??!!!” as I throw the pillow at his head as he heads downstairs.

An hour later I join him in the kitchen and pour myself a tea... “So? How was your delicious breakfast this morning?” watching him as he runs to the lavatory.

Laughing to myself... “I’ll take that as a good?”

I drop the patient off at the clinic. Asking for all the details as any concerned spouse would do..."So when do I pick him up?" I check my watch and figure it's a good time to go shopping!

I get a call from the clinic. Hub’s ready for pickup....naturally!!!! I'm right in the middle of a checkout line.

I arrive to find Hub still a little unbalanced after the anaesthetic. He's like a kid being picked up from the schools nurses’ office, complete with his own info package to take home, filled with results on high gloss paper stock, colour photos and a DVD for our viewing pleasure.

It’s taken him less than 2 hours and it’s all done. I pay the bill...2900 pesos...less than 250.00 cdn!!! 
Ok this is the way medical offices should be running!

I walk the dizzy patient to our car. Slightly staggering, he proceeds to give me his thoughts about the whole experience...
‘and I can’t eat for 2 hours!!!!

Just a couple of thoughts from 2 Canadians living and loving it in Mazatlan!

Linda and Hub